A Day to Remember
by DevilWench
Summary: The toasting of Relena and Hojo! COMPLETE!
1. Let the Chaos begin!

A most joyous Hello to all you crazies who have decided to lose control of their sanity and read this fic. To come up with an Idea as insane as this you would have to have 3 Mountain Dews, a few doughnuts, hang out with crazy friends, and then go to a very boring work while extremely hyper! I've been doing that a lot this summer so it was only a matter of time! Warning: There may be some OOC in here. You have been warned!  
  
::actions:: 'Thoughts' "Speaking" ( Author Notes )  
  
DevilWench: This is dedicated to those of you who HATE Hojo the Bozo, And the girl who must die, Relena! This is the fiction where Relena and Hojo get paired up with each other and then are killed hilariously! I do not own any of the characters that will appear here. I wouldn't take them if they were free anyway.I'd hafta beat all of you off, and I'm not willing to do that right now.maybe in a few years though! Oh, I'm in this and I will be borrowing some of my crazy friends to make this an interesting fic otherwise it wouldn't be as fun! I could actually see this happening! And names are changed for some to protect the stupid!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
~ Now we enter the auditorium of Northeast High School (This is actually a real High School.I went there and.yeah. I don't need to be reminded of all those bad memories.) There is a dark stage in the front. On the sides there are maroon velvet curtains that have seen better days. Paint cans litter the stage as well as various tools. (Hammers, screws etc.) The far doors open to reveal 4 guys. One with Messy chocolate brown hair and Prussian blue eyes. Another with blonde, almost white short hair and calm blue eyes. A third has brown hair that covers most of his face except for one emerald green eye. The fourth had matching black eyes and black hair pulled into a ponytail. ~  
  
Quatre: "Well? Here we are."  
  
Trowa: :: Looks perturbed :: "Why did you sign us up for Drama of all things?"  
  
Quatre: "Because with us having to 'act' normal, this should be a breeze!" ::Looks exceedingly happy::  
  
Heero: "Hn." ::stands in corner::  
  
Wufei: ::Mutters:: "Baka" ::Stands by Heero::  
  
Quatre: "We should go sit down" ::Walks down aisle to sit in very hard, very old wooden chair::  
  
Trowa: ::Follows Quatre::  
  
Heero and Wufei: ::Remain where they are::  
  
Mr. Martin: ( He's the baka coach who never lets us do anything!) ::Walks into the room:: "Alrighty then! Let's get this show on the road!"  
  
::Students who are following sweatdrop::  
  
DevilWench: ::Runs into the Auditorium Yelling:: "YAHOO! Another year of crazy me!!!"  
  
::Students sweatdrop more::  
  
Jackie: "Uh.DW? Maybe you shouldn't do that.we actually have new people here."  
  
DevilWench: (I'm just gonna type in 'DW' for me now) ::Looks at Jackie:: "Aww.you spoiling my fun!" ::Pouts::  
  
Jackie: ::Grins evilly:: "I'm the one who gets to do that right now! You're still to 'pure'  
  
DW: ::Sticks tongue out at Jackie before running up to James:: "JAMES!!!!" ::Glomps him:: (A glomp is a really BIG hug)  
  
James: "Hi DW!"  
  
DW: ::Runs and hugs her other friends::  
  
Heero and Wufei: ::Sweat drop::  
  
Wufei: 'What is up with this baka hyper onna?'  
  
Heero: 'hn'  
  
Mr. Martin: "Ahem! We would like to start now"  
  
All (Except for Heero and Wufei): ::Runs and sits in the hard @$$ chairs:: (Duo will make an appearance. He is key to my devious plans of Relena and Hojo torture!) ~ Somehow Relena has followed the G-Boys ~  
  
Relena: "HEEEERRRRRROOOOOOO!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU?"  
  
Students: ::Hold ears in pain::  
  
Heero: ::Walks down to hide in the mass of students::  
  
Relena: ::Appears at top of auditorium::  
  
Students: ::Glare at Relena::  
  
Relena: "HEEERRRROOOOOO!!!! I know you're here! Where are you?"  
  
DW: ::Looks perturbed:: " SHUT UP! WE"RE TRYING TO HAVE A DRAMA MEETING!!!!"  
  
Relena: ::Glares at DW:: "You can't tell me what to do! I am Relena Peacecraft! Former Queen of the World!"  
  
DW: ::Speaks to Jackie:: "Yeah! Former Queen. I wonder why that is?"  
  
Relena: "What was that?" ::Walks up to DW::  
  
DW: ::Stands up and sticks tongue out at Relena::  
  
Relena: "Why you impertinent."  
  
Wufei: ::Grins slightly::  
  
Trowa and Quatre: ::Looks amused::  
  
Heero: ::Sweatdrops::  
  
DW's Friends: ::Looks worried::  
  
DW: ::Smiles evilly:: "You know what? Former Queen? I don't care about the past! I care about the future. As in my future sanity. I lose my sanity and strange thing happen. Last year I painted the floor neon Orange! And I'm thinking that Red, no Bright green hair would look exceptional on you!"  
  
Relena: ::Looks scared::  
  
Mr. Martin: ::Looks constipated::  
  
Students: ::Look amused::  
  
DW: ::Grins evilly some more:: "Now if you wouldn't mind, we could go to the dressing room so I could try the new hair color on you, or I could go sit back down and you could just leave right now? HMMM? Sound good?"  
  
Relena: ::Blanches and runs out of the auditorium::  
  
Everyone still in the room: ::Silently cheer::  
  
Mr. Martin: ::Clears throat:: "Now? If we may start DevilWench?"  
  
DW: ::Grins and gives the thumbs up sign:: "Sure! Let the torture begin!"  
  
Quatre and Trowa: ::Sweatdrop::  
  
Heero and Wufei: ::Looks worried::  
  
Mr. Martin: blah blah blah. (The usual give me money, what are we doing? Who is here? Stuff)  
  
Shelby: "Can we raise any extra money for a new stage? It's 30 years old!"  
  
Mr. Martin: "I'd like to, but funds are limited"  
  
Shelby: "But if we do fundraisers."  
  
Mr. Martin: ::Cuts in:: "We are limited in funds"  
  
Students: ::Glare::  
  
Mr. Martin:: "Break time! Take 15 minutes and then be back here. We're going to start on the set design for out Fall Play! Cindie Ella is going to the Ball Baby!"  
  
Students: ::Groan::  
  
~ Every one leaves and goes into the school lobby ~  
  
DW: "Not again! We did that two years ago! Shelby barely got her lines down!" ::Bemoans her fate::  
  
John: :: Hugs DW:: "Well DW, at least this way we don't have to find all new props! WE already know what they are!" ::Smiles Brightly::  
  
DW: ::Glares:: "The very least he could do is wait 4 fricken years to do the same exact play!"  
  
Quatre: "Umm.? DW? Is that right?"  
  
DW: ::Looks at Quatre and nods::  
  
Quatre: "Well? I had a question. Why does no one take any of this seriously?"  
  
DW: ::Laughs:: "You have gotta be new! Well, for starters, we are the joke of the school. We haven't pulled off a decent play since before I came here, and I'm a senior! Second, we never have enough money. We never do well in any fundraisers, and this area is not a real theatrical environment. It's too sports orientated!"  
  
Quatre: ::Looks shocked:: 'I wish I could help, but If I donate any money, I could be found out, maybe after the mission, I could help'  
  
DW: "Chelsey! Shannon!" ::Glomps both:: "Autumn!" ::Glomps her::  
  
Quatre: ::Sweatdrops:: 'Then again, maybe not.'  
  
~ Door Opens And Relena re enters ~  
  
Heero: ::Hides::  
  
DW: ::Smiles evilly:: "Hello girly! Did you change your mind on the hair color? The offer still stands!!"  
  
Relena: ::Pales::  
  
(Now for the good part!)  
  
Kagome: ::Enters behind Relena:: "Wheew! It's hot outside!" ::Pulls someone inside behind her :: "Come on Inu-Yasha! Get in here!"  
  
Inu-Yasha: "Get off me woman!" ::Tugs on sleeve which is in Kagome's grasp::  
  
Sango: "Get in so I can enter! Stop that Miroku!" ::Slaps henti monk::  
  
Miroku: "Lady Sango! wound me?" ::Looks innocent::  
  
(Yeah! Right!)  
  
Sango: ::Glares:: "Kagome? What is this place?"  
  
Kagome: "It's my new school. I start tomorrow" ::Looks at drama people::  
  
Jackie: "Look at those Kawaii ears!" ::Pets Inu-Yasha's ears::  
  
Inu-Yasha: "What the #$&%! Get off me blast you!"  
  
Jackie: ::Ignores him::  
  
DW: ::Grabs Jackie:: "Don't scare the new people!"  
  
Jackie: "Why not?"  
  
DW: "." ::Grabs Jackie's arm and drags her into the auditorium:: "Time to get back to work"  
  
Inu-Yasha gang: ::Follows out of sheer curiosity::  
  
Everyone else: ::goes back into the auditorium::  
  
Relena: ::Stands forgotten::  
  
(Now for the yucky part)  
  
Hojo: ::Enters:: "Higurashi?" ::Looks around::  
  
Relena: ::Drools:: 'Forget Heero! This guys fine!'  
  
Hojo: ::Sees Relena and blushes:: "Hel.hello.miss"  
  
Relena: ::Stares at Hojo::  
  
Hojo: ::Stares at Relena::  
  
~ Tumbleweed rolls by ~  
  
Autumn: "DW! I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THIS!!!"  
  
DW: ::Runs by with paint brush, laughing::  
  
Naraku: ::Enters:: "I sense shards here"  
  
Autumn: ::Runs by covered in paint and stops::  
  
Naraku: ::Pauses at sight of paint covered Autumn::  
  
Autumn: ::Stares at Naraku:: "HI gorgeous!"  
  
Naraku: ::Stars walking to the side away from Autumn::  
  
Autumn: ::Chases after Naraku. Paint forgotten::  
  
DW: ::Peeks in from hallway:: "O.O? What just happened?"  
  
Hojo: ::Stares at Relena::  
  
Relena: ::Stares at Hojo::  
  
Kagome: ::Peeks from another hallway:: "Yes! Good bye stalker! Hello freedom!"  
  
DW and Kagome: ::Walk into auditorium::  
  
DW: "Jaaackkkkieeeee!!!!!!"  
  
Jackie: "What?"  
  
DW: "There's a total gross out in the hallway! Relena and some weird guy have been staring at each other for the past 10 minutes!"  
  
Heero: ::Silently rejoices::  
  
Wufei: "Weak onna"  
  
DW: "I heard that!" ::Grabs Wufei and throws him into the wall:: "Take that you!" ::Wipes hands together:: "NYAAAA!!!!"  
  
Wufei: "Stupid hyper onna!" ::Takes out katanna (SP?) and chases DW::  
  
DW: ::Runs away laughing::  
  
Mr. Martin: "DW! Stop running this instant and do some work!"  
  
DW: ::Stops and sulks::  
  
Quatre: "Where's Duo?"  
  
~ Relena walks in arm in arm with Hojo ~  
  
DW: ::Gags:: "I think I'm going to puke!"  
  
Jackie: ::Looks green::  
  
Heero: ::Hums happily::  
  
Kagome: ::Smiles happily::  
  
Inu-Yasha: ::Grins evilly::  
  
Miroku and Sango: ::Are nowhere to be seen::  
  
Quatre, Trowa, Wufei: ::Looks astonished::  
  
Mr. Martin: "DW! Go get the half inch nails from the work room"  
  
DW: ::Grumbles but obeys. Opens work room:: "GASP!"  
  
Autumn and Naraku: "Umm." ::Blushes::  
  
DW: ::Shakes head:: "Wasn't here. Didn't see you two making out" ::Grabs nails and closes door behind her:: "Here's the nails" ::Drops then near Mr. Martin::  
  
Quatre: "Have you seen our friend Duo? He has long brown hair pulled into a braid."  
  
Jackie: O.O 'Yummmy!' "I'll go look!" ::Runs off::  
  
DW: ::Sweatdrops::  
  
Duo: ::Jumps from catwalk with rope tied around his waist and flame thrower in his hands:: "I am Shinigami! FEAR ME!" ::Torches Relena and Hojo::  
  
~ Curtains catch fire ~  
  
Everyone: "RUN! WE"RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!"  
  
Duo: ::Rope catches fire and he falls on Jackie::  
  
Jackie: "SQUEEEE!!!!!" ::Runs out with Duo::  
  
~ Outside ~  
  
DW: "There goes the school"  
  
Shelby: "Dose this mean we get a new stage?"  
  
Everyone: ::Sweatdrops::  
  
~ Relena and Hojo run out of the building still on fire ~  
  
Relena and Hojo: "HELP US!!!! WE"RE ON FIRE!"  
  
Everyone else: ::Ignores::  
  
Relena and Hojo: (Being that they are goody two shoes) ::Stop Drop and Roll::  
  
~ They are no longer on fire ~  
  
Duo: ::Pulls flame thrower back out and torches both of them again::  
  
Everyone: ::Cheers and tramples them::  
  
Relena and Hojo: ::Are mangled on the ground still on fire:: ::Coughs::  
  
DW: ::Looks over at Jackie and face faults::  
  
Jackie: ::Standing next to Duo playing with his braid::  
  
DW: "I need an Aspirin."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well, this is the end. This is supposed to be a one shot, but if I get enough reviews I may create another chapter with more Relena and Hojo bashing! This is dedicated to Jackie who wants nothing more than to really play with Duo's hair.and people wonder why I need so much aspirin.R&R please! Thank you!  
  
Signing out ~ DevilWench ~ 


	2. NOT THE HAIR!

Not the Hair!  
  
DW: Welcome back all you loyal fans! As you can see I have decided to extend the Hojo and Relena bashing! No longer is this a one shot fic!  
  
Crowd: ::Cheers:: Hooray!  
  
Jackie: Get on with the Disclaimer! We want Hojo and Relena torture! ::Glares::  
  
DW: Alright Alright Alright Already! Here's the disclaimer: I own very little. If I own it, I'll mention it. If I don't say that I own it, then it isn't mine! Happy?  
  
Jackie: Yes! ::Bounces away happy::  
  
~ This takes place at the newly rebuilt Northeast High school. Basically it looks as though the fire never happened, much to Duo's sorrow. Curtains are still thread bare, bullet holes in the windows, doors with broken locks, ect. You get the picture! ~  
  
DW: ::Stalks into the new, yet surprisingly crappy auditorium:: Great! School gets burned to the ground and not two weeks later, it's up and running again. ::Shouts:: Why o why do I deserve this punishment?  
  
Hojo: ::Walks up on crutches and covered in bandages:: What's wrong with school? School is fun. You can learn a lot of fun stuff here. And the teachers are soo nice!  
  
DW: ::Gags:: Good Lord, Kill me now!  
  
Relena: ::Rolls up in wheel chair, covered in bandages:: Killing is bad! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! And school is wonderful! Just like my Hojo-wojo said!  
  
DW: ::Barfs:: help me.::Ungodly sized hammer appears from Thin air:: YAY! (The Ungodly sized hammer in MINE! It's six feet tall with a foot and a half diameter for the top end. Made out of foam and duct tape with a smiley face sticker on the whacking part! I hit people with it when they annoy me!) ::Knocks Hojo off his crutches and hits Relena in the head.She passes out, Hojo goes into shock:: (He just can't believe that anyone could be so mean)  
  
Jackie: ::Runs out door:: Aww.I missed all the fun didn't I?  
  
DW: ::Looks smug:: Yep! ::Hoists hammer onto shoulder::  
  
Jackie: ::Snaps fingers in annoyance:: Damn!  
  
Dw and Jackie: ::Walk inside, leaving Relena and Hojo on the concrete::  
  
~ At Drama later that day ~  
  
Mr. Martin: Now that we are back in school, we can continue with out play!  
  
Students: ::Groan::  
  
DW: ::To Jackie:: The red, the green, or the Orange?  
  
Jackie: Huh?  
  
DW: Relena's new Hair color! Now, which one would look truly hideous?  
  
Jackie: The Neon Orange definitely!  
  
DW: Cool! ::Turns to John:: What do you think?  
  
John: Orange! Most assuredly!  
  
DW: Heero?  
  
Heero: ::Pulls out gun::  
  
DW: Ack! Don't do that! All I want to know what color would look horrible on Relena. Red, Green, or Orange? All neon colors.  
  
Heero: Hnn.  
  
DW: Orange it is then! Hey! I need help dragging the blonde bimbo into the dressing room! Who wants to help?  
  
~ Hundreds of hands shoot up. ~ (People have attended Drama just to see Relena and Hojo Bashing!)  
  
DW: Umm.Jackie of course, John, you know more about this stuff than us, Heero, you can drag her easily enough, and one more. ::Looks around at hopeful people:: Miroku!  
  
Miroku: ME? Buddha has smiled upon me today!  
  
DW: All you have to do is keep her unconscious! NO GROPING! It would be way too gross!  
  
Miroku: Indeed! Even I would not stoop that low.  
  
DW: ::Giggles:: Indeed!  
  
~ And thus the five teens (Miroku is about sixteen in this fic!) made a pact to cause Relena a brain hemorrhage! Now to the Hallway! ~  
  
Heero: 'Goddamn! She weighs a ton!'  
  
Miroku: ::Stares at Jackie and DW's asses while drooling::  
  
DW: 'Muahahahahahh.I am SO evil!  
  
Jackie: ::Smirks:: 'Duo-kun!'  
  
John: 'Hair dye! Hair dye! I get to play with Hair Dye!'  
  
Relena: ::Unconscious from the many wacks from Miroku's staff:: ::Slobbers::  
  
~ Into the dressing room! Dun Dun Dun. ~  
  
DW: Prop her up here! ::Motions to a chair:: Now John, since you're the styling expert, how should we start?  
  
John: Well, color first, then trim, but we should leave her as a uni-brow for certain!  
  
Heero: ::Grins from 5ft away:: 'Muahahahahha'  
  
DW: ok..Jackie! Got that hair dye mixed yet?  
  
Jackie: Just about! 'Duo looks HOT as a brunette! I wonder if he has chest hair.'  
  
DW: JACKIE!  
  
Jackie: Commin!  
  
~ And so the coloring begins! ~  
  
John: And now we just have to wait 20 minutes for the dye to set, then we hose her off.  
  
DW: ::Looks gleeful:: 'Then we chop off hair! But what should we do to the Bozo? Hmmm..Only one good torture a day..He is so lucky that it takes a while to plan out a really great torture!'  
  
Jackie: 'Duo Duo Duo Duo Duo Duo Duo Duo Duo Duo Duo.'  
  
John: And that should be it! Time to rinse!  
  
~ And so the rinsing begins. Needless to say they used REALLY hot water and burned her scalp! ~  
  
DW: The scissors please?  
  
John: ::Hands her the scissors:: 'Dear god!'  
  
Miroku: ::Stares at Jackie's ass, and DW's chest::  
  
Heero: ::Laughs evilly inwardly::  
  
Jackie: Whee! Snip Snip! 'Duo Duo Duo.Braid!'  
  
DW: ::Snips off bits of hair here and there so that Relena's hair is shaved in some places, and short in others, and left alone in other places still. Knots the hair horribly in still yet more places:: Muahahahahahha! How does my creation look?  
  
Jackie, John, Miroku: ::Looks ill::  
  
Heero: ::Looks happy with the result::  
  
DW: Find a mirror! I want her to see the product of her annoyance when she wakes up! ::Laughs evilly::  
  
Heero: ::Goes and finds a really big magnifying mirror::  
  
~ And to say the least, the five teens propped the girl who we all hate in front of the really really big mirror! Now we will be waiting for the scream that will sound off in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ~  
  
Relena: ::Shrieks so loudly that the mirror breaks:: (Like it took that much.her new hair style already cracked it)  
  
Hojo: ::Manages to get into the room despite being beaten up several times, having two broken arms, and still being on crutches:: What is it my love? ::Catches sight of Relena's hair and vomits::  
  
Mr. Martin: ::Become constipated for real::  
  
Everyone else: ::Cheers from side lines::  
  
Jackie: ::Plays with Duo's braid while sitting in his lap::  
  
DW: My work for the today is done! ::Grins maniacally::  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well, that's all for what was supposed to be a one-shot! But it isn't now is it? If you want to see a specific torture inflicted on one of the two insufferable people, send it to me by clicking on the small purple button at the bottom of the screen often overlooked by the majority of you! As for why Jackie is always thinking about Duo is easy to explain! She's obsessed! The next chapter is Hojo Torture! ::Crowd goes wild:: Yes! I'm good. And I've already got most of the next chapter hand written, so the more you review, the more quickly I will finish! Thank You! Good day and Good bye!  
  
Signing out ~ DevilWench ~ 


	3. Falling many times over

The anti-Hojo chapter!  
  
DW: Jackie will handle the disclaimer since this is really her chapter!  
  
Jackie: I own nothing! Not Inu-Yasha or Gundam Wing! ::Flips off lawyers while Sobbing in corner::  
  
Duo: Aww...it's ok! At least we get bigger parts in this chapter! And there's Hojo torture!  
  
Jackie: ::Jumps up:: YAY!  
  
DW: I'm so glad I don't have a big part this time. I can get some sleep and think up more torture ideas! Oh Relena where are you my sweet?  
  
Jackie: ::To Duo:: I think she needs a vacation in a bad way!  
  
Duo: ::Nods gravely::  
  
Warning: This is written for and mostly by Jackie the perverted one! Beware! You have been warned!  
  
I want more torture ideas that could be pulled off in school please! Thank you!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
~ Once again we are at the Drama meeting. DW is painting (Jackie: Dear god!) And Jackie and Duo have been assigned to make sure the lights on the catwalk are in working order. (DW: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!) Martin is being a pain in the @$$. Everyone else is just trying to scrape some dignity together. ~  
  
Martin: Jackie! Duo! Are those light ready yet? I told you both to start an hour ago!  
  
Duo: Almost done!  
  
Jackie: ::Softly:: Yeah, almost! ::Purrs::  
  
Martin: Well! Hurry up or I'll have to send someone else up there to help! The play starts tomorrow!  
  
Jackie: ::Whispers:: Alright you old bastard...  
  
Duo: No problemo!  
  
~ On the stage ~  
  
Everyone: ::Mutters and thinks:: 'We all know what they're doing up there. Dave (The master techie) only takes 15 minutes to check all the lights'  
  
DW: ::Mutters:: Jackie...you know you shouldn't be doing that here! Go to the band room or something!  
  
~ Else where ~  
  
Martin: Hojo please come here would you?  
  
Hojo: Looks like a puppy who is way too eager to please his master:: (DW: Ewww...) Yes sir?  
  
Martin: I want you to go up to the catwalk and make sure that Jackie and Duo are working on the lights like I told them to.  
  
Hojo: ::Salutes:: Yes sir!  
  
Random person #1: ::Places open bucket of paint in his way::  
  
Hojo: ::Steps in the paint:: Now who could have done this?  
  
Random person #1: ::Whistles::  
  
Hojo: I should clean this mess up! ::Takes 15 minutes to clean up the mess::  
  
~ Meanwhile Random person #2 is greasing the 2ed ladder to the catwalk. Random person #3 is unscrewing the 1st ladder section ~  
  
Hojo: ::Walks up to the 1st ladder section:: Oh dear! This looks very unsafe! I should fix this right now before someone gets hurt! ::Fixes ladder::  
  
~ While putting the screwdriver away, Random person #4 undoes all his work ~  
  
Hojo: ::Climbs half way up the ladder::  
  
~ The ladder pulls away from the wall and Hojo goes splat into a tray of black paint ~  
  
Hojo: ::Screams:: IT'S BLACK!!! I HATE BLACK!!!  
  
DW: ::Chuckles:: My job here is done! ::Goes back to painting flats::  
  
Hojo: ::Washes the paint out and re-fixes the ladder. Leaves the screw driver in plain sight so no one could undo the ladder again::  
  
~ While on the platform between the 1st and 2ed ladders he is buried in stage flats ~  
  
Hojo: Owwie!! That hurts! I must put these back since I'm the one who caused them to fall. ::Gets a thousand splinters while putting aging flats back into place::  
::Tries to climb up the 2ed ladder but keeps falling off due to the grease:: I should clean off the ladder! It's so dirty! ::Thinks about getting a rag, but remembers the trouble getting up the 1st ladder and just uses his outer shirt. (DW: We torture him so much that he now wears about three to four shirts a day! I wouldn't want to wash all them clothes!)  
  
~ Now that the ladder is somewhat clean Hojo proceeds to climb it after he puts his grease-coated shirt back on ~  
  
Hojo: ::Peers down the catwalk. Hears people kissing and other weird sounds:: What are you doing up here? Aren't you supposed to be fixing the lights?  
  
Duo: Ummm...::Is at a loss for words::  
  
Jackie: We are fixing the lights. ::Shines a spot light at Hojo's face::  
  
Hojo: Ahhhh...I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm Blind!  
  
Duo: ::Smirks::  
  
Hojo: ::Blindness forgotten:: But what were those strange noises?  
  
Duo and Jackie: ::Blushes::  
  
Hojo: ::Looks confused despite how he always looks::  
  
Duo: ::To Jackie:: What should we do?  
  
Jackie: ::To Duo:: I don't know! You're the brilliant one!  
  
Disembodied voice: ::Whispers to Jackie and Duo:: Tie him, gag him and hang him from the catwalk...  
  
Duo: That's a great idea!  
  
Jackie: Superb!  
  
~ Duo and Jackie grab some rope and advance on Hojo. Malice gleaming in both sets of eyes ~  
  
Hojo: What are you doing? You should be fixing the lights and you know I can't see!  
  
Jackie: Precisely!  
  
~ They carry out the plan the voice told them ~  
  
Hojo: ::Is gagged:: Mphl Mphl Mphl...  
  
Duo: ::Tosses Hojo off the catwalk::  
  
Jackie: Tank you whoever you are!  
  
Disembodied voice: you are welcome! Continue what you were doing before!  
  
Jackie: EEEKKK!!!! PERVERT!!!!!  
  
(DW: I leave it to you to decide what they were doing. Use your imaginations!)  
  
~ On stage ~  
  
DW: Hmmm...Creative  
  
Martin: ::Is constipated::  
  
Wufei: HA! The braided Baka did something GOOD for once!  
  
DW: Should we use him as a piñata?  
  
Everyone not constipated: ::Considers for a millisecond:: YEAH!!!!!  
  
DW: Find the 2x4's with all the screws sticking out of it!  
  
~ And so Hojo ended his day back in the hospital from major blood loss. And for days the school was peaceful. Neither Relena with her new hair-do and Holy Hojo were not seen in school. During that time, all people were at peace! ~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well? Review already! WOW! I'm tired! I updated all 4 of my stories today! Aren't you proud of me? ::Passes out from all the work::  
  
Signing out ~ DevilWench ~ 


	4. Birthday Celebrations

Chapter 4 Anti Relena  
  
Huzahh!!! Thanks to all who reviewed! THANK YOU!!! ::Hugs::  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing! NOTHING!!! You HEAR me? NOTHING! ::Laughs insanely::  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
DW: Another day of wonderful freedom from annoying persons! ::Skips down hallway:: LA la la la la!!!  
  
Jackie: O.O' ::Yells:: WATCH OUT! She's gone hyper again!  
  
Students: ::Scatter::  
  
DW: O.O? Why are you all running away from me? I only want to play!  
  
~ Door opens to reveal... Dun Dun Dun ... Relena Peacecraft herself! ::Author screams and runs away in fear:: ~  
  
Relena: This is a school! Not a play ground! Do not run around screaming!  
  
DW: ::Sticks tongue out::  
  
Relena: ::Huffs at the indignity::  
  
DW: There goes my peace and quiet! ::Mopes::  
  
Jackie: ::Comes into the hall with Duo latched on her arm:: What's going on he... ::Sees Relena:: DAMNIT!!!! MY DAY IS RUINED NOW!!  
  
Duo: ::Scowls:: Great...the annoying one is back...at lest the dense one isn't here!  
  
Jackie: ::Brightens:: You're right! YAY!  
  
~ Front door opens and you know who walks in ~  
  
DW: ::Screams in fear:: WHO COULD SURVIVE ALL THAT!!! (A/N: Refers to the Hojo torture chapter! The one right before this one!)  
  
Hojo: ::Runs to Relena::  
  
Relena: ::Runs to Hojo::  
  
Both: ::Hugs::  
  
Everyone else: ::Barfs::  
  
DW: ::Plans evil::  
  
Jackie: ::Plans torture::  
  
Duo: ::Plans mischief::  
  
All other students: ::Plans revenge::  
  
Hojo and Relena: ::Walk arm and arm to class::  
  
DW: ::Gags:: We need a plan to get them both!  
  
DW and Friends: ::Go to secret 'planning to torture Relena and Hojo' room::  
  
DW: We must stop them from spreading all that gooey pureness! It's contaminating the school already! ::Pounds fist on table::  
  
Jackie: ::Nods::  
  
Duo: Yep!  
  
Heero: (Who has joined just for payback against Relena) Hn!  
  
Wufei: (I just had to put him back in!) That onna must pay for the injustices she has heaped upon us all! 'Not to mention that pathetic excuse for a male!'  
  
(Trowa and Quatre are not present because Quatre is just too nice for torture! ::Authoress cries:: NOT fair!)  
  
DW: Now what can we do this time? We trampled them, set them on fire, colored Relena's hair, and threw Hojo the bozo off the catwalk and used him like a piñata! That was fun! But what else could we do?  
  
Jackie: ::Think:: How about we get everyone to walk around the school in lingerie?  
  
Heero: O.O'  
  
Wufei: O.O' NO WAY IN HELL ONNA!  
  
DW: O.O' ::Blushes:: Only you would be comfy doing that!  
  
Duo: ::Grins:: I would be comfy watching!!!  
  
Jackie: ::Rolls eyes::  
  
DW: How about we knock them out and dress them in lingerie?  
  
Jackie: ::Thinks:: Nah.they could just take them off.  
  
DW: ::Frowns:: We can't kill them... unfortunately ...  
  
Jackie: Come on! Think! You're the smart one!  
  
DW: ::Growls:: Thanks...  
  
Jackie: ^.^8  
  
DW: Gag them, tie them up and leave them in the field?  
  
Jackie: Too commonplace  
  
Duo: We pull a Carrie?  
  
DW: That'll only work for Relena...  
  
Duo: That sucks...  
  
DW: Yep...  
  
DW: We sign them up for Ms. Brunette's class?  
  
(A/N: Brunette is a teacher who likes the people like Relena...Yuck!)  
  
Jackie: Nahh ... Brunette'll like that too much!  
  
DW: ::Snaps fingers in annoyance::  
  
DW: GRRRR!!!! ::Hits self in head:: Think DW! THINK!  
  
Everyone else: O.O' uhh..  
  
DW: I KNOW!!!! ::Looks gleeful::  
  
Jackie: O.O?  
  
DW: This is what we'll do! We'll be so nice to them, make then think we're their friends, and throw tham a birthday party, and hire them a stripper!  
  
Jackie and Duo: ::Grins:: Perfect!  
  
DW: ::Grins happily:: I know! Now all we have to do is figure out how to get them in one place for this to happen!  
  
All: ::Plans::  
  
~ One Week later ~  
  
DW: 'Please don't let me barf!' HAPPY BIRTHDAY RELENA AND HOJO!! If a bit belated!  
  
Relena and Hojo: O.O ::Are happy::  
  
DW: And to show you how much we like you, we got you a huge cake!  
  
~ 5 Foot tall cake is wheeled into view ~  
  
Duo: We hope you like it!  
  
All of the anti Relena and Hojo club: ::Snickers::  
  
~ Out of the cake pop tow strippers. A male and a female ~  
  
Female Stripper: ::In a seductive voice sings 'Happy Birthday'  
  
Make Stripper: ::In a deep voice sings 'Happy Birthday'  
  
Relena and Hojo: O.O' ::Faints::  
  
DW: QUICK! THE REST OF THE PLAN! ::Gives strippers a LOT of Money::  
  
~ When the two objects of our hate wake up in separate beds ~  
  
~ Relena ~  
  
Relena: Where am I?  
  
Female Stripper: Right here dear!  
  
Relena: O.O ::Dies::  
  
~ Hojo ~  
  
Hojo: ::Wakes up and sees stripper:: O.O  
  
Male Stripper: Why Hello there gorgeous  
  
Hojo: ::Drools::  
  
DW and Jackie: ::From hidden corner:: What the...?  
  
Hojo: ::Jumps stripper::  
  
DW: That can't be good!  
  
Male Stripper: ::Screams and runs out of the room:: YOU CAN'T PAY ME ENOUGH FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jackie: O.O' Well? Any more bright ideas?  
  
DW: O.O' Who knew he was gay? ::Shudders::  
  
Jackie: WELL?  
  
DW: ::Glares:: Gun?  
  
Jackie: NO! Too east to ID!  
  
DW: Trap him and release him to the wild?  
  
Jackie: ::Ponders:: Sure!  
  
~ And so all the members of the "We Hate Relena and Hojo" Club Found the drooling Hojo. They tied him, gagged him, and dropped him off in the middle of the Amazon River ~  
  
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Signing Out ~ DevilWench ~ 


	5. That's all folks!

HI! Since there's nothing else to do around here, I thought I'd update once more! This shall be the last installment for the Anti Relena and Hojo project. This actually was only supposed to be a one shot fic, but my friends kept giving me more and more ideas, so the fic kept expanding! ^.^'  
  
Thanks to the reviewers! Thanks to my friends who kept me inspired! Thanks to the blasted computer!  
  
Disclaimer: Me no own.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
~ Last Time: Relena dropped dead. Hojo was released into the wild. Every one was Happy. ~  
  
DW: ::Enters School:: AH! The last year is the perfect year! No more goody two shoes!  
  
Relena: ::Pops in behind DW:: Yes! School is perfect!  
  
DW: ::Screams:: YOU'RE DEAD!!!!!  
  
Relena: O.O Am I? Oh dear.  
  
DW: ::Runs away:: WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?  
  
Jacke & Duo: ::Saunter into school::  
  
Jackie: What's with all the screaming? ::Sees Relena:: O.O WTF?  
  
Relena: ::Smiles serenely::  
  
Duo: You're supposed to be Dead!  
  
Relena: O.O Am I? Oh dear.  
  
DW: ::Comes back with rope and TNT. Ties Relena up and places the explosives around her:: Heh heh heh.  
  
Heero: ::Enters:: O.O 'She's supposed to be dead.....DW's weird' ::Leaves::  
  
Relena: O.O Am I? Oh dear.  
  
DW: -.-' Is that all you can say?  
  
Relena: O.O Am I? Oh dear.  
  
DW: -.-' ::Hides around corner. Hits button::  
  
Relena: ::Explodes::  
  
Hojo: ::Enters:: O.O NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! ::Gets covered in Relena parts::  
  
DW: Heh.....  
  
Hojo: NOOO!!!! Ew!  
  
DW: ::Inspects Relena goo:: 'Damn.........I hate robots'  
  
Relena robot 2: HIYA!  
  
DW: HELP ME!!!  
  
John: ::Shoots Relena robot 2 with semi-automatic::  
  
DW: ^.^ Thank you! ::Hugs John::  
  
John: ^.^ 'I love shooting things!'  
  
Jackie: I got the most amazing thing!  
  
DW: ::Huddles with the anti Hojo club:: Will it finally get rid of the bozo?  
  
Jackie: ^.^ Sure will! I found a Kung-Foo fighting Lion!  
  
DW: COOL!!!!! Time to play!  
  
~ Somewhere in school ~  
  
DW: Come on Hojo! We found something you'd really like to see!  
  
Hojo: IS this another one of your tricks? Like that strip dancer?  
  
DW: 'Could he have cought onto us?' No of corse not! That was just.........just an initiation! Yeah!  
  
Hojo: Oh Ok then! ^.^  
  
DW: 'What an idiot.........'  
  
Relena robot 3: Can I come? Can I come?  
  
DW: 'Ack.........Not another one!' Sure you can come! 'The lion should be able to finish this one too!'  
  
Hojo and Relena: ::Enters a dark room::  
  
DW: ::Slams and lock door behind them:: Heh heh heh.........  
  
Jackie: ::High fives DW::  
  
Both: ::Watch security camera while eating popcorn::  
  
DW: Fun Time!  
  
Lion: "Everybody was Kung-Foo fighting! Those guys were fast as lightning! ::Karate chops Hojo:: Da da da da da da .........::Smashes Relena robot 3::  
  
Everyone: ::Cheers::  
  
DW: Any more Relena robots?  
  
Jackie: O.O There CAN'T be anymore! It would just be WRONG!!!  
  
DW: You're telling me!  
  
Jackie: You know what?  
  
DW: No, are you going to introduce me?  
  
Jackie: Maybe later! But first we should take these hammers and go bash what's left of the carcasses!  
  
DW: Where did these hammers come from?  
  
Jackie: ::Ponders:: I don't know. They just appeared as I was saying that we should go bash the remains.  
  
DW: Hmm.........::Grabs Un-Godly Sized Hammer:: ^.^  
  
Jackie: ::Grabs Hammer 'o' Doom:: ^.^  
  
Both: PLAY TIME! ::Smashes remains into atom sized pulp::  
  
DW: Squish squish squish!  
  
Jackie: ^.^  
  
Relena robot 4: ::Entes room:: OMG What are you doing? That's horrible!!!  
  
DW: ::Glares at Jackie:: No more eh?  
  
Jackie: ::Shrugs and looks sheepish::  
  
DW: ::Swings hammer at robot::  
  
Relena robot 4: ::Falls apart::  
  
DW: I'm keeping my hammer with me in case more robots come forward. AND! I get to bash anyone else who annoys me this year! ::Plans many bashings::  
  
Jackie: Whip Cream? ::Offers can of Whip cream::  
  
DW: WHIP CREAM!!!! ::Pounces:: YUMMMMMMM!!! ::Starts shooting whip cream into mouth:: ^.^ MMMMMM.........  
  
Jackie: O.O Oh no...RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! DW'S GOT WHIP CREAM!!!!  
  
Everyone: ::Screams and runs out of school::  
  
DW: ::Smiles insanely:: That's all Folks! ::Falls over::  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yep That is all. AS I was writing this, it didn't seem too funny.........more over it seemed kinda stupid. But maybe I'm wrong. Tell me I'm wrong! Hit the review button! Make DW happy!  
  
Signing Out ~ DevilWench ~ 


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